Category: All About M.

Cult Leader Resume: Why Hire Me?

~ M. Ashley ~ Leave a comment

M. Ashley
YFCL Cult Clubhouse, Southern California, USA
yourfuturecultleader@gmail.com

Objective: To lead a (mostly) benevolent mystical cult devoted to inspiring its members to spiritual joy and ecstatic intimacy with the gods of their choosing.

Experience

Mystic (2013 – present)

  • Experiencing direct connection with the Divine daily.
  • Engaging in multiple automatic writing channelling sessions per week, each session often lasting several hours. Longest channeling session in excess of 27,000 words.
  • Intense gratitude practice leading to daily physical manifestations of divine gifts.
  • Keeping abreast of mystical literature, both ancient and contemporary.

Hellenist (2008 – present)

  • Making daily formal and informal devotions to the gods of Hellas.
  • Keeping a monthly libation practice to the gods in accordance with the Hellenion calendar.
  • Incorporating ancient Hellenic spiritual practices into daily life.
  • Studying Ancient Greek myths and hymns.

Wiccan (2006 – 2012)

  • Learned magical correspondences including planetary, astrological, herbal, color, chakra, direction, and deity.
  • Practiced witchcraft leading to the successful culmination of spells in the areas of money, love, career, protection, and legal victory, among others.
  • Worked as professional seer and tarot reader.
  • Celebrated Wiccan Sabbats with spells, rituals, and magical foods prepared for the occasion.
  • Wrote and led Wiccan Sabbat rituals.

Mormon (birth – 2006)

  • At the end of my tenure, experienced and successfully passed through the challenges and triumphs of leaving Christianity for Paganism.
  • Studied Joseph Smith’s life and teachings, thus learning the mind and arc of one of the most successful cult leaders in history.
  • Read and studied Mormon scriptures including The Book of Mormon, The Doctrine and Covenants, and The Pearl of Great Price.
  • Read and studied the King James Bible.
  • Survived spiritual abuse.

Special Skills

  • Channeling
  • Lucid Dreaming
  • Tarot Reading
  • Rune Casting
  • Witchcraft
  • Light Astrology

Education and Certifications

B.A. Sociology
California State University at Chico, 2016

English/Creative Writing Major
Vanderbilt University, 2002

Domestic Violence Training Certificate
Option House, 2023

Sex Trafficking Training Certificate
The Open Door, 2023

(The first resume I haven’t fudged on, even one tiny bit. Honesty is a rare and important quality in a future cult leader.)

Your Future Cult Leader’s Life’s Work

~ M. Ashley ~ Leave a comment
self-portrait of Your Future Cult Leader—dark glasses Jim Jones reference entirely unintentional

My life’s work is a great big pile of spiritual, cosmological, and theological questions answered.

My life’s work is an even bigger great big pile of spiritual, cosmological, and theological questions unanswered.

My life’s work is to ask all that has been asked before and answer it again.

My life’s work is to ask all that is being asked now and answer it now.

My life’s work is to attempt to discern all that might be asked in the future and answer that as close to now as possible—you know, when I’m finished with the first two things, which won’t take but two shakes of a lamb’s tail I’m sure. I’m speedy like that.

My life’s work is to add vigorously and continuously to the even bigger great big question pile so my life’s work is never complete.

When I was Mormon (my cult of origin), my best friend (not Mormon) and I were discussing a translation of the Bible Joseph Smith never got to finish. I can’t remember what the windup was exactly—something something about how I might like to finish it, or someone might like to finish it, or who could possibly finish it—something something like that. And her answer was, “If not you, who?”

Though I, as your future Pagan cult leader, no longer seek in any way to start or finish any translation of the Bible, the principle stands.

When you’re feeling awestruck and stupid standing before the great questions of gods and god and the logistics of godhood (my personal favorite), and Nature and Love and Existence, and why and who and what’s it all about anyway—when you’re feeling awestruck and stupid as the answers inevitably and so generously unfold themselves before you, bring my friend to mind and her wise question—wise for all of us who would seek to know and all who would worry they are incapable, unready, unworthy, or lost.

If not you, who?

That’s my life’s work. In the realm of spirituality—that. Reminding you—and me—over and over and over of that: If not you, who?

-M. Ashley
Your Future Cult Leader